Woman's Partners Always End Up Falling for Her Best Friend, She Begins Questioning the Friendship After Current Boyfriend Falls into the Same Pattern

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 30, 2024 10:00 PM EDT

Welcome, tea-lovers of the internet. We all know someone - either personally or para-socially- with unparalleled charisma and charm. Celebrities like Dolly Parton and Audry Hepburn are so universally loved because they are unproblematic and have a special something that makes people adore them instantly. Of course, their beauty plays a huge role in how they are perceived, but plenty of physically beautiful people exist in this world who do not have such a strong spell over others. Some people just have an unrelenting magnetism about them. Now, imagine if one of these people were your best friend. 

In our story today, a woman starts to notice her current boyfriend exhibiting behaviors similar to those of her previous partners - partners who had all fallen for the charms of her beautiful and charismatic best friend. While our protagonist adores her BFF, she begins to question the friendship and her intentions, wondering if her bestie had actually been intentionally flirting all along. Get all the details down below. 

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  • 01
    r/relationship_advice u/fartsquash 1d Im (28F) afraid my boyfriend (29M) might develop feelings for my best friend. How do I open up to them about this?
    via u/fartsquash
  • 02
    I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for 3 years now. Our relationship is really healthy and loving, and he's been the best boyfriend and partner I could ever ask for.
    via u/fartsquash
  • 03
    I have a really beautiful, funny, smart, and athletic best friend (29F) whom I really love. We've been with each other through the highs and lows of life, and she is truly a great person to be around. The thing is, I've had experiences in my past
    via u/fartsquash
  • 04
    relationships where my boyfriends would always compare us to each other. They would say things to me like "Why don't you workout like her" or "Don't you wanna do what she's doing", things like that. I know this isn't her fault because she deserves every bit of praise, but it truly messed up my sense of self and hurt my ego quite a bit.
    via u/fartsquash
  • 05
    I've been dealing with this envy towards her ever since and now that I'm with my current bf who has been nothing but kind to me, suddenly I fear it will happen again. He has been showing signs and saying things that are triggering me because I know where this is going. He's saying things like "Why dont you join the club that she's in?" or "Let's do this and invite your bff" etc etc. One time at my
    via u/fartsquash
  • 06
    birthday party they were talking about their common intetests, and i saw in his eyes he was really focused and interested in her. I didn't want to show how I felt so I just went into the bathroom to compose myself and stop myself from crying. I love them both so much and I'm really conflicted about how I'm feeling towards all this.
    via u/fartsquash
  • 07
    How do I open up to them about this? (If I should bring it up at all) TLDR: i fear my boyfriend is attracted to my beautiful best friend and im getting insecure about it and starting to question everything +362 ☐ 118 D
    via u/fartsquash
  • 08
    gdrom123.1d You should speak to your boyfriend about this. Let him know he's starting to follow the same patterns as previous boyfriends and it makes you uncomfortable.
    via u/gdrom123
  • 09
    And I do agree with some of the comments who are questioning the dynamic of your bff's interactions/ engagement with your boyfriends (past and present). It's too much at this point to be considered a coincidence so it might be worth bringing extra observant when she's around or how she talks to you when he comes up in conversation. I'm not blaming her because maybe, just maybe you keep attracting men that find your bff attractive but it's still worth keeping an eye on things. Updateme ← Reply ☑
    via u/gdrom123
  • 10
    Frenetic_Finch • 1d Exactly. The friend could be totally fine, but also that's a really weird pattern and she is the common denominator we know. If it were me I would talk to my bf about it and take a tiny bit of space from my bff. Not cut her out or anything, I just wouldn't hang out with her and my bf at the same time for a while and hang out a bit less and see how that feels. See if things change and notice how everyone acts and also how I felt about things. I think a bit of space can be so h
    via u/Frenetic_Finch
  • 11
    fartsquash OP. 1d That's what I'm doing now, getting some space from her right now and it's been great at helping me sort my feelings out and such. Maybe I'll also take a break from social media for a while as it fuels other demons that might be adding to this issue. Thank you. 237
    via u/fartsquash
  • 12
    LongScholngSilver_19. 1d I see where you come from on that. It's also possible that her and the BFF are super similar and so the guys that are into her would ALSO be into the BFF. And if on the surface the BFF is super similar to her just improved in some ways I can def see how that would cause issues. ☆☆ 12
    via u/LongScholngSilver_19
  • 13
    Frenetic_Finch • 1d This feels icky. It feels like you're basically saying "what if the BFF is just better in every way and that's why the guys keep going for her." Attraction is a multifaceted thing, and there is no such thing as someone being a better partner in every way for every single person. People have types, but there are absolutely things OP is better at, and vice versa. Your good partner will prefer you because of those unique qualities.
    via u/Frenetic_Finch
  • 14
    Also I might have misunderstood what you meant, but I wanted to type it out anyways because I think it's a good reminder for OP and just people that you are the best person for someone, even if you haven't found them yet. But I'm sorry if I interpreted your comment as icky when it was just like how it could be perceived by the guys in the situation. 28
    via u/Frenetic_Finch
  • 15
    Beneficial-Tap1065 • 1d I think this is something only honest & open communication can help with. You need to let him know that the way he speaks of her opens up old wounds, and how you would prefer he speaks about her. Perhaps in more neutral tones or in a way that doesn't sound like a comparison. Only you can say how is best for you right now, he can't *not* speak about her if she's a big factor in your life, which is important to note.
    via u/Beneficial-Tap1065
  • 16
    I would also suggest you speak to an unbiased 3rd party- whether it be a therapist or other friend, just to get it all out, it's clearly eating at you, and it doesn't sound like you have a lot of self-esteem/ self-worth which is probably from all the comparisons - you need to find your own worth. Your partner has picked you, at the end of the day, not your best friend. The others who have compared you clearly didn't value you very highly; if your boyfriend cares for you he won't do that, once it
    via u/Beneficial-Tap1065
  • 17
    fartsquash OP⚫ 1d Thank you for your insight. They both are truly awesome people that I care for deeply, which is why this feeling of envy was hard to admit. In a way, sharing it to strangers made me realize that it truly is not as complex as my brain made it out to be. Thank you for your kind words. 46
    via u/fartsquash
  • 18
    rosecoloredglasses- • 1d - I see a lot of people being pretty critical of the best friend here but I think what's likely happening is that she's being more friendly with your boyfriends since they're taken and "safe", and men pick up on that behavior and perceive it as flirting from a pretty woman. There's a lot of men who perceive friendliness as flirting when they're in a relationship, only to be floored when it turns out no one was interested in them romantically.
    via u/rosecoloredglasses
  • 19
    It's hard to tell what's going on with your current bf, because it's not surprising that he'd be really interested in a conversation about their mutual interests. I think you should talk to him and communicate why you don't want to be compared to your bff, because that's not healthy behavior for either of you.
    via u/rosecoloredglasses
  • 20
    Honestly I'd take some space from her for a little bit, and come back from it and see how the two of them interact. If his behavior doesn't change you know to set him free, and hopefully you can gauge whether she's flirting or just trying to be welcoming to your boyfriends. ... ← Reply 120
    via u/rosecoloredglasses
  • 21
    miimi_mushroom • 1d Wait, wait, wait! That's very interesting, what you said at the beginning. It's true that, in my personal case, I'm friendlier and more relaxed with my friends' partners (without being inappropiate, of course!) because I feel like I'm in a safe space and there's not going to be any awkward misunderstandings.
    via u/miimi_mushroom
  • 22
    However, I have heard many men complain that women are always more interested in them when they're taken, and they're suddenly not interested at all when they're single. I've always thought that must be true because they repeat it so much, but maybe there is also a misunderstanding? That maybe, as you said, those girls were close and friendly because they didn't feel in danger of being seen as romantic or sexual targets by those men? And men interpreted it as flirting? That would be very interes
    via u/miimi_mushroom
  • 23
    Unepetiteveggie ⚫ 1d • This is really strange that this has happened more than once. Once, fair enough. Twice? Weird. More than twice? The common factor here isn't your boyfriends, it's your friend. The chance all your boyfriends are organically attracted to your friend are low. Chance your friend likes to flirt and get attention from men? Higher.
    via u/Unepetiteveggie
  • 24
    A partner shouldn't be comparing you to a friend. Remember cheerleaders don't cheer "Be more like the other team", they hype their own team. A partner is your ultimate cheerleader, and tbh so is your bestie. Your bf and bestie should be highlighting how great your hobbies and interests are, not comparing. My best friend is a bird watcher, I am not. I don't want to be but I think it's cool AF that she is. Reply Ŷ 244 ♡
    via u/Unepetiteveggie
  • 25
    fartsquash OP. 1d Thank you for this. I like the part about cheering for our own team, it reminds me that we actually are all on the same team and not against each other. Brought things into perspective :) ← 59
    via u/fartsquash

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boyfriend friendship best friends toxic Female Empowerment reddit story relationships girlfriend cheating couples love infidelity reddit thread red flag Reddit dating
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